Am I Still Learning?

I remember back when I knew everything. It actually wasn’t all that long ago…

I didn’t need to listen to anyone because I had all the answers. When I asked you a question I already knew the answer, I just wanted to see if you would lie to me.

I had a closed mind and there was nothing anyone could tell me that would, or could, change my mind.

Because I was right and I knew everything.

It turned out, much to my surprise, that I in fact did NOT have all the answers. That there actually were people out there who knew more than me. This realization made me feel like a fool.

I was worthless and stupid. The most worthless and the most stupid person on the planet. Of all time, living or dead. There was no one worse than me.

My ego had me thinking I was all or nothing. Never in the middle.

I was at the end of my journey. I had stopped learning. I had hit my bottom.

The good thing about hitting bottom is, there’s nowhere to go but up. Or die. I was so convinced I was so worthless that I couldn’t even possibly get suicide right so I chose to go up.

I chose life.

I chose to listen rather than speak.

I chose to open my mind.

I chose to learn all I could about how to improve my life.

And then I took action.

Every day I choose to expand my mind and explore views other than my own. I choose to be a worker among workers and a friend among friends rather than let my ego dictate that I should be at the top of the heap. Because I know that will just end up with me feeling like I’m at the bottom. Under the heap.

I choose learning over fear of the unknown. I accept and adapt to situations rather than force my will.

I choose joy and happiness over fear and anger. I choose gratitude over resentment.

What will I learn tomorrow?

~Thanks for reading

Higher Power – What it Means to Me

I’m not exactly what anyone would consider religious. I always thought I’d burst into flames if I ever went back into a church after childhood. As soon as my mom stopped forcing me to go, I was gone and never looked back. I don’t like the idea of any particular religion, and I definitely don’t want it forced on me.

I found it extremely hard to believe that any one religion has it “right” and that any any particular one “knows” anything for sure. So most of my adult life I shunned them all. I needed tangible proof and never got it, so I took the more scientific route over the spiritual one.

That got me drunk. For over 20 years.

Even though I didn’t believe in any particular religion’s idea of God, I always felt there was some kind of something out there that was a power greater than me. I just didn’t know what it was or how it worked. I still don’t know how it works, I just know that it does and it exists.

I know that if I ask my Higher Power for guidance or help, I will get it. It won’t always be obvious, it might come as intuition, or a stroke of luck, or a coincidence. But the more I practice getting in touch with my Higher Power, the better I get at understanding how it is helping me.

It won’t ever produce something tangible. That’s not how it works. I can’t ask it for a new car and **poof** a new car appears. It might not always be clear, but my Higher Power is always with me, working behind the scenes. It’s got my back and it helps guide me through life, as long as I remember to keep an open mind.

Every morning I ask my Higher Power for help through the day. I ask it to help keep me away from selfish thoughts and dishonesty. I ask it to help show me what the next step should be if problems arise. I take comfort in the fact that I know my Higher Power will never give me more than I can handle, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. I ask it to help me remember to pause when I feel agitated, doubtful, or discontented, and to share with me the right thought or action to take.

I turn my will over to my Higher Power every day and tell myself I am no longer running the show. There was huge burden lifted off my shoulders when I finally turned my self-will over to the care of this power greater than me. My stress level has gone way down and I have more of a feeling of inner peace than I used to. I still get angry, but the feeling doesn’t last nearly as ling as it used to.

I also ask for my fear to be removed and my attention directed to what my Higher Power would have me be – helpful to other people. I ask it to help me be kind and loving to everyone. I’m not always kind and loving to everyone, but I keep practicing and my Higher Power helps me remember to try.

I was so stressed out and negative for close to two decades. I knew I had to make some major changes because the way I was living wasn’t working and I just couldn’t stand feeling that bad for one more second. I started by practicing gratitude every day. Every day I make a list of at least six things I’m grateful for, sometimes more. It helps me get my mindset right for the day.

I think everyone has their own Higher Power that is always with them, whether they choose to accept it or not. Good Orderly Direction. That’s how I think of God and my Higher Power. This power greater than me helps guide me through life with Good Orderly Direction, if I ask. I’m learning the difference between spirituality and religion. I practice contacting my Higher Power every day.

~Thanks for reading – LC