Am I Still Learning?

I remember back when I knew everything. It actually wasn’t all that long ago…

I didn’t need to listen to anyone because I had all the answers. When I asked you a question I already knew the answer, I just wanted to see if you would lie to me.

I had a closed mind and there was nothing anyone could tell me that would, or could, change my mind.

Because I was right and I knew everything.

It turned out, much to my surprise, that I in fact did NOT have all the answers. That there actually were people out there who knew more than me. This realization made me feel like a fool.

I was worthless and stupid. The most worthless and the most stupid person on the planet. Of all time, living or dead. There was no one worse than me.

My ego had me thinking I was all or nothing. Never in the middle.

I was at the end of my journey. I had stopped learning. I had hit my bottom.

The good thing about hitting bottom is, there’s nowhere to go but up. Or die. I was so convinced I was so worthless that I couldn’t even possibly get suicide right so I chose to go up.

I chose life.

I chose to listen rather than speak.

I chose to open my mind.

I chose to learn all I could about how to improve my life.

And then I took action.

Every day I choose to expand my mind and explore views other than my own. I choose to be a worker among workers and a friend among friends rather than let my ego dictate that I should be at the top of the heap. Because I know that will just end up with me feeling like I’m at the bottom. Under the heap.

I choose learning over fear of the unknown. I accept and adapt to situations rather than force my will.

I choose joy and happiness over fear and anger. I choose gratitude over resentment.

What will I learn tomorrow?

~Thanks for reading
LC

Anger and Resentments… Gratitude

We’ve all been there..

So I just wrote the greatest masterpiece of my life. (not really) I’ve probably never written anything that great before and I probably never will again!  (sure I will) This is the one that will be considered the new standard in literary greatness! (yeah right)

Wait, what just happened… where did it go? What did I do? It was just here.. PLEASE tell me I saved it.. WHAT? I didn’t? I always do! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

It’s gone.. I got in the zone and didn’t save as I went.. How could this happen.. I spent almost an hour on this! I can’t do this again. I’M SO *%&#$@ MAD NOW!!!

First I was angry that all my work disappeared.

Second I got mad at myself for not saving my work. I even almost cried.

I was angry and resentful at my computer. Then at myself again. I called myself stupid and a lot of other names that I won’t repeat here.

In the past this would’ve ruined my whole day. Maybe even my whole week, but ever since I’ve been practicing gratitude, mindfulness, and deep breathing, and a spiritual program of recovery, I now have the tools to be able to let it go and learn from the experience.

I remembered something a dear friend of mine told me one time when I was going on and on feeling bad about myself and calling myself names. She said to me, “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk to my friend like that.” Her friend was me! I understood what she was saying and every time I start getting in that self deprecating mode I remember what she said to me.

Then I paused and thought about what had just happened and what I could learn from it.

Then I was grateful that I had that learning opportunity, one that will never need to be repeated.

I will sleep well tonight and not go to bed angry or hating myself. I am human. I made a mistake. No one died and the world didn’t end.

By practicing appreciation and gratitude for what I do have my mood quickly changed and I have re-centered myself.

It takes a lot of work but it gets easier with time and practice.

 

~Thanks for reading
LC

Set Yourself Up for Success

The best way I’ve found to set up my day for success is found in my morning routine. After I make my coffee (first things first haha..), I think about the day ahead, what needs to be done when, and set my priorities.

I make a list of things and/or people I’m grateful for. This helps to keep me balanced and humble rather that resentful towards things I don’t have and people I don’t particularly care for.

I remind myself that things don’t always go as planned and tell myself to be ready to adapt to any changes that might arise.

I make sure I eat something. Healthy is best, but in a time crunch that’s not always an option. As long as I have something in my stomach to keep me from getting “hangry”, I can make it until I have time to prepare something better.

I get still and quiet, and practice deep breathing and meditation for 8 minutes, where I try to clear my mind and bring myself back to center. This was very difficult when I first started out. My mind would still be racing after the full 8 minutes, but after a lot of practice it got easier to calm my mind. If I don’t have time for the full 8 minutes I do less, but I do a minimum of 10 full deep breaths where I focus solely on my breath, the flow of air in and out. I find when I do this I have a much easier time with the things that go wrong during the day.

I also remind myself to pause if I become irritated. I remind myself that I can restart my day at any time. I try to work with things rather than against them. When I try to force my will upon situations rather than adapt to them it always leads to a bad day.

I remind myself to be kind to everyone even if I think they don’t deserve it. I remind myself to think of others and to be helpful rather than selfish and self-centered.

What can I do for others? What can I pack into the stream of life?

I look at where I went wrong the day before and try to take corrective measures to amend that behavior. This takes a lot of practice..

I remind myself that it’s ok to not be perfect. Not just for myself, but other people too. This also takes a lot of practice..

I don’t dwell on worry or remorse. When I do I’m not useful to others. I try to focus on the next indicated thing.

I remind myself to not dwell on fear but to direct my attention to love, tolerance, and acceptance.

When I do all these things I set myself up for success and even if my day doesn’t go as planned, it’s still a good day.

And lastly, I remind myself that a great attitude becomes a great mood. Which becomes a great day. Which becomes a great year. Which becomes a great life.

~Thanks for reading,

LC

Living Life on Life’s Terms – My New Reality

  1. I’m not an athlete anymore.
  2. I don’t have the picture perfect body of a model.
  3. I make mistakes every day.
  4. I don’t always eat right.
  5. Sometimes I talk too much.
  6. Sometimes I don’t talk enough.
  7. I’m not really smart.
  8. I’m not always comfortable with other people.

But… And…

  1. I’m active every day and exercise when I can.
  2. I’ve learned to accept my body.
  3. I learn from my mistakes.
  4. I eat healthy, but indulge myself from time to time.
  5. I compliment people and lift them up.
  6. If I don’t have anything nice to say, I keep my mouth shut.
  7. I’m always learning.
  8. I’m comfortable in my own skin.

 

No one can keep me down but me.

When I’m helpful and of service to other people, my life gets better.

When I stop fighting everything and everyone, and practice acceptance and gratitude, my life gets better.

When I give up control, I get set free.

I don’t have to be the best of the best to have a place in the world. I don’t have to be on top of the heap.

I don’t have to let life get me down, especially over things I can’t control. I don’t have to be at the bottom of the heap.

I can live my life, and be a worker among workers, and a friend among friends, right here in the middle of the heap.

The world goes on without me. It doesn’t need my negative input. I get an amazing sense of comfort and freedom in that realization.

My life has gotten better.

 

~Thanks for reading – LC

Bad Luck is a by-product of Bad Habits

Bad habits are hard to break and good habits are hard to form. At least this has been my experience…

Sometimes I get so busy and so overwhelmed I forget to do certain things that help get me set up for success in any given day.

My number one problem is starting out the day with a bad attitude, but if I do certain things when I wake up to set my attitude right for the day, my day goes so much better, even when things don’t go my way, or as planned.

*A great attitude becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life.

Not sure where that quote came from but I read it daily as part of my morning routine to help set my mind right for the upcoming unknown.

Back when I was drinking heavily and hating everything and everyone around me, I had a lot of bad luck.

Because I didn’t write things down in my calendar, I would miss appointments for things that would help me.

Because I constantly fought the flow of life instead of going with it, I would become increasingly, and visually, frustrated and people didn’t want to be around me.

Because I wasn’t interested in anyone but myself I didn’t have anyone to go to when things got really bad. The only place I had to go was into my own head (which I discovered later is a very dangerous place for me to be).

Things would never go my way and life got really hard.  I lost jobs. I lost friends. I lost my will to live. I was never helpful to anyone else because I was obsessed with myself. I would run out of gas and have to walk because I wouldn’t get gas when I could. It was hard to get a job because I had a bad reputation. I would eat unhealthy food that made me feel like crap.

And none of this was ever MY fault…

I knew I had to make a change or I would be miserable until I died and I didn’t want that.

I started researching ways to improve my life and how to change bad habits. Just about everything I read said to quit drinking so I did. I also read a lot about having an attitude of gratitude and began writing 6-10 things every day that I’m grateful for. This practice has helped me immeasurably. I can be grateful for my job now even when I have a bad day there. And bad days get fewer and farther between.

Here’s what I do daily to get my head screwed on right:

  1. Practice gratitude:  I make a quick list of things I’m grateful for. I try to always include a few things that I sometimes take for granted that I don’t always think about every day. For example a reliable vehicle and power, water, and gas. I also include people, like my husband who puts up with my crap, real friends, and great co-workers who push me to be better.
  2. Plan my Day:   I sit down with my calendar and go over places I need to be at what time, and tasks that need to be done. Then I figure out what order to do everything in. This includes making time to do something that puts me closer to my long-term goals, to improve myself just a little bit every day.
  3. I ask my higher power for help:  I ask for help to keep my thoughts away from self-pity and self seeking motives. I ask for insight about any problems that may arise. I ask to remember to pause if I get upset instead of reacting immediately. I ask for guidance on how I can be helpful to to others and how I can pack as much as possible into the stream of life. I ask to be helped to be kind and loving to everyone I come in contact with.
  4. End of Day:  I review my day to see what went well and what didn’t. I take a moment to enjoy the good parts, and I think about solutions to the bad parts. If I owe an apology I do it as soon as possible. I ask for my fear to be removed and for help being better the next day.

 

The mind is a powerful thing. It can make or break a person. People consumed with negativity always have a bad day, no matter how well it’s going.

I don’t hang out with negative people anymore. They brought me down. I keep them at arm’s length now. My serenity depends on it. I’ve seen a positive person have a worse day than a negative person and end their day in a much better place. Those are the people I want to be around these days.

I don’t play the victim. I look for a solution.

I don’t look for sympathy. I help someone else out instead.

I try to be the listener, not the talker.

I try to be the giver, not the taker.

I know the rewards will come soon enough. If I can achieve peace within myself, I will never have a bad day.

I try not to put things off. Why put off til tomorrow what I can do today? I try to stay ahead of the game. I enjoy my down time so much more when I’m not worried about what I have to do later.

I’m not the person who complains and tries to make everyone as miserable as I am. I’m the one who lifts morale.

I don’t believe in luck anymore. I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t  have to know what the reason is either. I just know that when I do these certain things, my days go better and my life improves a little bit more every day.

I do this, and good things happen to me.

 

“You can’t fully commit to your personal growth if you’re still committed to your bullshit.”  ~ Neghar Fonooni

~Thanks for reading – LC

Fear: What it Means to Me

“If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. If you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.” – Stephen Covey

 

When I was a little girl, I had no fear. I didn’t know anything about the consequences of my actions. When I failed, I tried again. I didn’t worry what other people thought. I was like a sponge, learning every day, making discoveries, making mistakes, and learning from them.

Think about it, when you’re a child learning to walk, you’re going to fall. That failure isn’t going to scare you into giving up You just do it again. And again, and again. You don’t worry about what other people think, you just keep doing it until you learn. It’s built in. You haven’t been taught fear yet.

As we grow older, fear begins to creep in. Outside influences slowly begin to mold our personalities and behaviors, and take a major role in how we formulate our opinions. We aren’t even aware this is happening.

We learn about worry.

We learn about responsibility.

We learn about consequences.

We develop habits. Some good, some bad.

We form relationships. Some good, some bad.

If you’re reading this, you probably got to a point in your life where you realized what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been living your life doesn’t feel right anymore.

You need something to change.

That’s what happened to me.

I drank so much my brain felt like mush.

I was overweight.

I could be really mean sometimes, even to the people I  love the most.

I had no drive, no ambition. I was stuck in a daily cycle that didn’t include anything related to self-development or self-improvement, only self-loathing and self-destruction.

I surrounded myself with like-minded people, and together we dwelt in our “happy” toxic world where we all  judged other people, hated those who were successful or physically fit, and anyone else who wasn’t as miserable as us. I acted as if I didn’t care what other people thought, but deep down I really did, and I hated myself for what I had become.

I had all these dreams and grand ideas but I never took any action, never had any follow through.

Never once did I ask a successful person how they did it. I just sat back and would growl to myself, “Must be nice..” Never once did I think about what it took for that person to be where they are today or how much work they must’ve put in to get there.

Fear had completely engulfed me and I either didn’t know it, or I just didn’t accept it and ignored it.

Fear had me in its mighty grip, grasping tighter every day.

Fear of financial problems.

Fear of my health.

Fear of disappointment.

Fear of acceptance.

Fear of life.

No fear of death, though. I had truly gotten to a place where I didn’t care if I lived or died.

 

Today I don’t let fear rule any aspect of my life.

I’m working on going back to that no fear mentality I had as a small child.

I’m comfortable with my body. It’s not picture-perfect, but I’m not overweight anymore.

I love learning new concepts and sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes of helping others achieve a better quality of life.

I’m not afraid of being wrong or failing anymore. I look at failure as an asset. Something to build on.

I don’t fear my financial situation anymore. It’s still not ideal but I’ve taken steps to educate myself on budgeting and saving for retirement. I’ve shifted my focus on what I can gain later rather than instant gratification.

I quit drinking and wasting time in a bar with the people I thought were my friends. They were really just acquaintances who had the same fears as me, and we just fed off of each other. We were in the same downward spiral pulling each other further and further down.

Turns out, they don’t even miss me. No one from that part of my life ever calls me to ask where I am. They don’t care.

I’ve started forming more healthy relationships with people who have what I want out of life. People who pick each other up instead of judging and putting people down.

I’ve traded negativity for positivity.

I read every day instead of watching TV.

I exercise every day.

I research every day.

I write and brainstorm every day.

I learn every day.

I improve just a little bit every day, and since I’ve made that change, my life has improved immeasurably!

I’m not afraid to try new things, I’m not afraid of change. Change is inevitable. Now that I’ve gotten more comfortable with the concept of change, I no longer fear it.

Change for the better is a good thing, and change for the worse is a learning experience. Which is a good thing.

In order to change your life you have to change your paradigms. In order to change your paradigms, you have to change your attitude.

I’ve found that it’s much easier and more efficient to change myself than it is to change everyone and everything around me, to suit me.

To have a better life, it takes work. But it’s totally worth it!

Don’t give in to fear.

Take action! Change your inner circle of friends if you need to. Nothing is more important than your personal well being. Because without that, you can’t be helpful to anyone else.

 

Thanks for reading ~ LC

 

New Way of Thinking

Bad Attitude = Bad Habits = Bad Work Ethic = Bad Life

Being the victim is a choice.

~LC

Starting out my day by writing down what I’m grateful for has made my life so much better, and it worked almost instantly!

Sure, I still get mad sometimes but I deal with it in a different way now. Instead of dwelling on whatever pissed me off all day, and getting angrier and angrier, I’ve learned to let it go. Focusing on what I’m grateful for helps me focus on what needs to get done. I know that if I want to continue to grow both professionally and personally, I need to also grow spiritually, and for me that starts with practicing gratitude every day.

Even if it’s something as simple as a sunrise, or having indoor plumbing, or anything else I often take for granted until I miss it, anything helps. I’ve come to realize I’m much happier just appreciating what I have as opposed to being pissed off about something I don’t possess or have control over.

I know it’s ok to want more out of life, and to strive to improve, but perfection will never happen. And that’s ok too. I know as long as I’m moving forward and improving myself every day, I’ll be a lot less stressed.

In my experience, if I get angry about something that isn’t perfect, it ends up ruining both mine and someone else’s day, and no progress is made.

Too many people seem to be focused on the small picture. They are greedy and always ask, “What’s in it for me?”

Maybe if those same people tried practicing gratitude, tried helping out others more, and stopped having the attitude of, “Well I’m not going to do a good job because I don’t get paid enough.”, they might actually get a raise or promotion. They might even actually be able to be happy!

Or maybe not.

All I know is what works for me. And what works for me is having a good attitude even when things aren’t going well. Overcoming challenges with grace and a good attitude are what helps me grow and be happy. And when I’m happy, I can be helpful to other people. And being helpful to other people makes me happy.

And so on, and so on…

Thanks for reading ~ LC

Fake It ’til You Make It

black and white person feeling smiling
Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Back when I drank a lot I had trouble focusing and being completely mentally present at any given moment. I didn’t have the willingness to do the work it would’ve taken to turn my life around. I wanted my life to be better, but I wanted it to just happen, with no effort whatsoever on my part. I had no interest on living my life on life’s terms. I wanted to live on my terms. Life had other ideas…

My life had to get completely unmanageable for me to finally get the willingness I needed to even begin the process of working toward my goals. Once I got the willingness, I started acting “as if”. I began looking at my life “as if” it were already better and I began acting “as if” I really wanted to do the work even though deep down I still didn’t.

I learned in AA that if I brought my body, my head would soon follow. So I started going through the motions until my actual state of mind caught up with my new approach on life.

This was a slow but steady process, and it worked! My life has improved immensely since I started the simple process of acting “as if”. I just focus on doing the next right thing and I try to improve myself just a little bit every day.

I’ve been able to apply this technique in other areas of my life as well. I’m able to adapt to sticky situations much easier now.

Now, if there’s something I don’t particularly want to do, I fake it ’til I make it!

~Thanks for reading – LC

How I Form New Habits, and Keep the Momentum

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

I’ve had trouble in the past with keeping my momentum flowing forward and getting new habits to stick.

I’m sure you can relate..

It took me several years, after trying the first time, to stop drinking my face off every night. I wanted to quit but I didn’t tell anyone because if, (I mean WHEN), I failed, no one would know.

I didn’t have any way to be held accountable, and no one was disappointed in me, except myself.

Forming New Habits

Trying to get into a new habit is hard. I’ve heard it takes at least 21 days to form a new habit, but, depending on the degree of difficulty, it could take much longer.

Now, when I want to break a bad habit, or make a lifestyle change, I tell other people about it. This creates accountability and makes me feel like I don’t want to let them down, so I try harder.

Telling other people also creates a support system of people who can keep encouraging me when the going gets tough!

I’ve noticed people like to be involved in other people’s affairs and they can be quite supportive when they know their opinions have value.

I try to begin new habits with a shift in mindset. I tell myself I’m the kind of person that does _____, and not _____.  For example; I tell myself that I’m the kind of person that faces challenges head on rather than the kind that procrastinates and hides.

Then I start actually practicing the new habit. It helps me to start from the inside and work my way out.

 

Keep up the Momentum

Once I get a good momentum going I try not to give in to anything that drains my energy or drags me down. If that happens, I try to recharge with conditions that put me in a good mood. I must be persistent.

I increase the activities that move me forward, and decrease the activities that hold me back.

I take a stance of action rather than procrastination.

I can make to-do lists all day long, but until I take action, they are just words on paper.

 

Build a new identity

  • Say “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” – If you want to be more active and lose weight, try saying, “I don’t lay around, I do stuff.” Instead of, “I can’t lay around, I need to do stuff.”
  • Create a plan and have substitutions ready – If you know you’re going out somewhere that healthy food is not an option, pack your own snacks. Bring your own food to work instead of hitting up that vending machine.
  • Find Balance – If you’re trying to get in better shape and you decide to run 3 miles every day, maybe start out with something easier and build towards that goal. And don’t sweat it if you occasionally indulge in a sweet treat.
  • Get some sleep – While you are unwinding after your day, spend time focusing  on how you did and what you can improve on. And give yourself props on a job well done. De-clutter your mind so you can get a good nights sleep. If you can improve even just a little each day, the effects will multiply exponentially!

 

It takes practice, but changing bad habits into productive ones, and then keeping that momentum going is possible with the right mindset and attitude.

In order for me to be the best I can be, a healthy body and a healthy mind are the two most important things I need to obtain. Yoga gives me both of those and when I practice, my day runs a lot smoother. Combined with meditation and deep breathing exercises, I leave the house feeling unstoppable!

Go here for a proven yoga system to help you kick start your new outlook on life!

 

Remember, invest in yourself!

Why put off til tomorrow what you can do today?

Chin up, smile, look yourself in the mirror and say, “It’s going to be a great day!”

Stay positive, you can do it!

~Thanks for reading, LC

Balance: For Love, For Life

balance macro ocean pebbles
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

How do I find balance?

Work, sleep, life = 8 hours each?

Do I eat mostly healthy but indulge myself in treats once in awhile?

Everything in moderation, including moderation?

How do I know when to let go? When to tighten up?

When I’m not working, how do I balance my time? Rest? Exercise? Household chores? Fun? Obligations to other people? Eating? Reading? Couch surfing? Friends?

How do I balance sanity with insanity?

Too much coffee? Not enough coffee?

Goals and Dreams vs. Work/obligations/rest?

Am I too selfish? Too generous?

How do I balance self-pity with gratitude?

Do I consider what what I think is important, or what really is important?

Do I make decisions based on fear? Or growth?

Am I hopeful? or Jaded?

Anger? Or peace?

How do I balance pride and humility?

How do I spend my money on wants vs. needs?

How do I get “right sized”? Ego vs. Humility?

How do I balance healthy boundaries with the need to want to please other people?

I’m still trying to figure out how to balance my goals and dreams with everything else I have to do. I read somewhere if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s where I want to be. Where I make money doing what I love. I want to be in a place where I’ll never need a vacation.

How do you find balance?

~Thanks for reading – LC