Fear: What it Means to Me

“If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. If you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.” – Stephen Covey

When I was a little girl, I had no fear. I didn’t know anything about the consequences of my actions. When I failed, I tried again. I didn’t worry what other people thought. I was like a sponge, learning every day, making discoveries, making mistakes, and learning from them.

Think about it, when you’re a child learning to walk, you’re going to fall. That failure isn’t going to scare you into giving up You just do it again. And again, and again. You don’t worry about what other people think, you just keep doing it until you learn. It’s built in. You haven’t been taught fear yet.

As we grow older, fear begins to creep in. Outside influences slowly begin to mold our personalities and behaviors, and take a major role in how we formulate our opinions. We aren’t even aware this is happening.

We learn about worry.

We learn about responsibility.

We learn about consequences.

We develop habits. Some good, some bad.

We form relationships. Some good, some bad.

If you’re reading this, you probably got to a point in your life where you realized what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been living your life doesn’t feel right anymore.

You need something to change.

That’s what happened to me.

I drank so much my brain felt like mush.

I was overweight.

I could be really mean sometimes, even to the people I love the most.

I had no drive, no ambition. I was stuck in a daily cycle that didn’t include anything related to self-development or self-improvement, only self-loathing and self-destruction.

I surrounded myself with like-minded people, and together we dwelt in our “happy” toxic world where we all judged other people, hated those who were successful or physically fit, and anyone else who wasn’t as miserable as us. I acted as if I didn’t care what other people thought, but deep down I really did, and I hated myself for what I had become.

I had all these dreams and grand ideas but I never took any action, never had any follow through.

Never once did I ask a successful person how they did it. I just sat back and would growl to myself, “Must be nice..” Never once did I think about what it took for that person to be where they are today or how much work they must’ve put in to get there.

Fear had completely engulfed me and I either didn’t know it, or I just didn’t accept it and ignored it.

Fear had me in its mighty grip, grasping tighter every day.

Fear of financial problems.

Fear of my health.

Fear of disappointment.

Fear of acceptance.

Fear of life.

No fear of death, though. I had truly gotten to a place where I didn’t care if I lived or died.

Today I don’t let fear rule any aspect of my life.

I’m working on going back to that no fear mentality I had as a small child.

I’m comfortable with my body. It’s not picture-perfect, but I’m not overweight anymore.

I love learning new concepts and sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes of helping others achieve a better quality of life.

I’m not afraid of being wrong or failing anymore. I look at failure as an asset. Something to build on.

I don’t fear my financial situation anymore. It’s still not ideal but I’ve taken steps to educate myself on budgeting and saving for retirement. I’ve shifted my focus on what I can gain later rather than instant gratification.

I quit drinking and wasting time in a bar with the people I thought were my friends. They were really just acquaintances who had the same fears as me, and we just fed off of each other. We were in the same downward spiral pulling each other further and further down.

Turns out, they don’t even miss me. No one from that part of my life ever calls me to ask where I am. They don’t care.

I’ve started forming more healthy relationships with people who have what I want out of life. People who pick each other up instead of judging and putting people down.

I’ve traded negativity for positivity.

I read every day instead of watching TV.

I exercise every day.

I research every day.

I write and brainstorm every day.

I learn every day.

I improve just a little bit every day, and since I’ve made that change, my life has improved immeasurably!

I’m not afraid to try new things, I’m not afraid of change. Change is inevitable. Now that I’ve gotten more comfortable with the concept of change, I no longer fear it.

Change for the better is a good thing, and change for the worse is a learning experience. Which is a good thing.

In order to change your life you have to change your paradigms. In order to change your paradigms, you have to change your attitude.

I’ve found that it’s much easier and more efficient to change myself than it is to change everyone and everything around me, to suit me.

To have a better life, it takes work. But it’s totally worth it!

Don’t give in to fear.

Take action! Change your inner circle of friends if you need to. Nothing is more important than your personal well being. Because without that, you can’t be helpful to anyone else.

Thanks for reading ~ LC

Willingness

Lack of willingness held me back for so long I really don’t know how I made it this far. I always had to have my way in order to be happy, and I didn’t know how to live life on life’s terms. I had to live life on my terms. I didn’t know there was any other way. I wasted so much of my life trying to manipulate people and situations to suit my own agenda. I was constantly struggling and fighting against the flow instead of working with it.

I just wasn’t willing to do the right thing. I wasn’t willing to be helpful to others. I wasn’t willing to do what it would’ve taken to make my life better because I thought it would be easier to try and change everyone and everything else.

I was dead wrong.

After becoming so sick and tired of being frustrated and angry all the time, somehow I finally managed to find the willingness to begin to transform my sick and selfish mind. I became willing to live in joy, to love and be loved. I became willing to let people in and to let people help me. I didn’t fight anymore. I became willing to take suggestions. I became willing to take into account other people’s points of view.

I became willing to do the work it was going to take to turn my life around. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been well worth it. And even though it hasn’t been easy, it’s been a whole lot easier than trying to fight and manipulate and argue my way through.

Before I could change my mindset, I had to become willing to change. I had to be willing to be honest with myself and others.

I had to become willing to do things I didn’t really want to do, but that I knew would good in the long run. I had to be willing to stop taking the easy way out to have things become easier in the long run.

I had to experience a lot of pain to get to the point of becoming willing. I caused a lot of pain too, and now I am willing to make amends for it.

I don’t know where I’d be right now if I hadn’t found the willingness to change, but I know it would be in a much darker, worse place than I am right now.

~Thanks for reading – LC

Fake It ’til You Make It

black and white person feeling smiling — Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Back when I drank a lot I had trouble focusing and being completely mentally present at any given moment. I didn’t have the willingness to do the work it would’ve taken to turn my life around. I wanted my life to be better, but I wanted it to just happen, with no effort whatsoever on my part. I had no interest on living my life on life’s terms. I wanted to live on my terms. Life had other ideas…

My life had to get completely unmanageable for me to finally get the willingness I needed to even begin the process of working toward my goals. Once I got the willingness, I started acting “as if”. I began looking at my life “as if” it were already better and I began acting “as if” I really wanted to do the work even though deep down I still didn’t.

I’ve learned in my recovery that if I brought my body, my head would soon follow. So I started going through the motions until my actual state of mind caught up with my new approach on life.

This was a slow but steady process, and it worked! My life has improved immensely since I started the simple process of acting “as if”. I just focus on doing the next right thing and I try to improve myself just a little bit every day.

I’ve been able to apply this technique in other areas of my life as well. I’m able to adapt to sticky situations much easier now.

Now, if there’s something I don’t particularly want to do, I fake it ’til I make it!

~Thanks for reading – LC

Feel Good, Look Good = Look Good Feel Good

silhouette photography of people near body of water — Photo by Bithin raj on Pexels.com

When I look good, I feel good. The reverse is also true. There have been many days where I know I didn’t look my best, but I felt good and it showed. Other people could see it and remarked how good I looked. I thought, “Really? I haven’t showered and I’m still in my grubby work clothes.” People notice.

On days where I don’t particularly feel good, (like when I’m stressed out, frustrated, and feeling resentful towards everyone and everything) but I manage to take the time to make myself presentable and look good, that shows too! And when I look good, it helps to make me feel better too.

The best way I’ve found, for me, to look good and feel good is to work it from the inside out. If you put a bunch of junk in your body, then junk is what’s going to come out. Same theory applies to what you put in your head. Aside from the occasional treats I allow myself, I eat healthy, whole foods. Not fast food or any pre-made microwavable stuff with ingredients I can’t pronounce.

I like to make large batches of food ahead of time to keep in the freezer so I can have something good when I’m in a hurry. I split it into smaller portions so I can pull out a little bit at a time.

==>Recipes

A good nights sleep is key to me looking and feeling good the next day. I organize my clothes I’m going to wear the next day as well as my thoughts. I have a plan in mind for the morning so I’m not scrambling around, grabbing whatever is convenient to eat and trying to rush out the door barely in time for work.

I do something good for myself first thing. I can’t be helpful to anyone else if I don’t first take good care of myself. And when I take care of myself on the inside, I can be fully present and more helpful to others. And being helpful to others also helps me feel better!

I take deep breaths and meditate while moving my body in a fluid motion trying to become one with the universe. Ebb and flow. I do some light yoga stretches. All this gets my blood flowing to my brain waking me up and clearing out any junk thoughts that might be floating around in there.

All these things make me feel good on the inside. I think of it as building layers, kind of like an onion, from the inside out.. When I feel good on the inside, it’s easier to look good on the outside!

Then I get myself ready on the outside.

I brush my teeth, do my hair, clean up and put my fresh face to the world. I put on clean clothes. I smile at myself in the mirror and tell myself “It’s going to be a great day!” (Even if I really think it won’t, I say it anyway. I fake it til I make it..)

When I leave the house feeling and looking good, inside and out, the world knows it, and I am better able to practice kindness to both myself and others, which ultimately benefits me in the long run!

I’m also particular about what I feed my mind. I rarely watch TV because it’s mostly junk. I prefer to read. And mostly what I read is uplifting and motivating. I try to build layers of good from the inside out. It’s helped me become a more helpful, productive, and positive person.

And I feel great!

~Thanks for reading – LC

Meditation and Breathing Practices

silhouette of women on lake against sky — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Meditation and breathing practices are a good way to begin building your awareness of the body and mind to begin the transformation into a healthier, more positive you. Focusing on breathing helps you be in the present as opposed to dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future.

Mind/Body Connection

Interconnected and interrelated are the heart, mind, and instincts. I know when I get stressed my body gets tense and I’m uncomfortable, disturbed. This then sets off a chain reaction that finally culminates in bad eating habits, frustration, and bursts of anger. Once I realize this is happening, I focus on my breathing, my heart lightens, and I begin to relax a little.

Our breathing is connected to our emotions. We breathe differently when we become emotional. Once you become aware of your breathing, you can better control your emotions.

Being aware of my breathing is what helps me successfully make it through my day. It’s something I have to practice daily. When I practice relaxation and breathing it eventually becomes second nature. Bring the body and the mind will follow. I believe the opposite to be true as well. Since they are related, it would only make sense that if you bring presence of mind, the body will follow, too.

Healthy mind, healthy body = healthy body, healthy mind. Just work on whichever part is easiest, and with enough devotion the rest will fall in line.

Breathing Practices

Why practice breathing?

Clear the mind
Distracting thoughts subside
Experience inner peace and relaxation
Feel refreshed

So much of our stress and tension comes from the mind. When the mind stills, happiness and contentment arises.

The benefits of practicing breathing can ultimately be one of the greatest things you can do for your body, soul, and peace of mind. We can connect to our emotions through our breath. Since our emotions make us breathe differently it makes sense that we could control our emotions through breathing.

To elevate your presence of mind, become fully aware, and engage in the present moment, I practice regulating my breath. This helps me be present, or, “all the way there” when dealing with other people and situations in which I need to a part of. I’m easily distracted and my mind wanders a lot, which makes it difficult for me to engage in the present moment. Once my mind is right, my body soon follows. I’m then able to be of maximum service and fully present.

For more information on different types of breathing practices check out:

“Breathing Practices and Pranayama in Yoga”

and

“6 Breathing Exercises to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less“.

Meditation

Why meditate?

To learn how to calm yourself when difficult situations arise
To achieve mental calm and peacefulness
To overcome external circumstances that distract from a feeling of “undisturbed”
Mental balance
Ability to control your mind

I’ve found, for me, the simplest and safest way to achieve balance in both my emotional and physical states, is through meditation, not medication. I don’t like pills and I don’t think it’s right for me to have to depend on them for my sense of well being.

My mental state has dramatically improved since I began practicing meditation and breathing exercises. It helps me to get my mind prepared and ready to tackle the day, and to be able to deal with any irritations that happen on a daily basis.

I highly recommend practicing meditation for at least 8 minutes a day for a life that knows peace and comprehends serenity. For more information, check out this article about the positive effects of meditation.

Take care of yourself and respect yourself. Give yourself every advantage you possibly can. It’s a scary world out there but it doesn’t have to get you down! Stay positive and invest in yourself!