Tag: planning

Appreciation not Expectation

I’ve learned that when I lower my expectations and appreciate what I do have, I keep my sanity and serenity intact.

I used to expect a lot from people, especially at work. I thought if I knew how to do  something, they should too. AND, they should do it the same way I do. Then, I would get angry if they didn’t. It was a recipe for a stressful day and a stressful way of life. I now view people who annoy me, or are just plain mean, as spiritual growth providers.

Now I try to find ways to be appreciative even when things aren’t going the way I think they should. I try to see things from other people’s points of view and try to discover alternative ways of doing things.

I love learning new ideas.

I’ve discovered when I practice appreciation instead of expectation I don’t feel anger or disappointment. When I appreciate, I feel satisfied with what I’ve got and can then have a clear mind to work out whatever changes might need to be made for the future, as opposed to dwelling on the negative and how I wish I could change the past.

I can’t change the past. So I might as well focus on the future.

A wise woman once told me (today, actually), if I’m going to fall, fall forward, not backward.

I’m also learning (it takes practice, I’m still working on it..) to stop projecting my knowledge and fear on other people. I can’t reasonably expect people to know what I know unless I tell them.

And I can’t know for sure what they think of me unless they tell me.

 

~Thanks for reading
LC

10 Steps on How to Get (and Stay) Positive

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
~Anais Nin

A place of positivity may seem like an unachievable dream, especially during hard times, but it’s not impossible. A positive mindset can be developed over time, and it is well worth the effort. For some it can mean the difference between life and death…

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
~Marcus Aurelius

 

  1. Open Your Mind

An open mind is essential to gaining a positive mindset. This has enabled me to view people, places, and things from different viewpoints. From there I’ve been more able to see the positive in a negative situation.

An opportunity may present itself if I take the time to look at something from a different perspective.

 

2. Cultivate Positive Influences

  • Who do I spend the most time with?
  • Are my friends upbeat and positive, or do they mope and complain?
  • Are the situations I find myself in inspiring and uplifting, or sad, dull, or mundane?
  • What kind of TV shows do I watch? What books do I read? What do I look at on the internet?
  • What can I do to change this?

Garbage in = Garbage out. What I feed my mind affects my mood. Just like eating healthy foods is important for a healthy body, what I feed your mind affects my soul. I deserve to treat myself right.

 

3. Remember “The Pause”

If things are moving too fast and getting stressful, I slow down, take a step back, and breathe deep. Stress leads to negativity and can also be detrimental to my health. I take care of myself first. It’s easier to think through a difficult situation when I’m calm. I take a moment to refocus.

 

4. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Nothing cheers me up quite like doing something nice for someone else, especially when it’s unexpected. If I can add value to someone else’s life, my positivity expands tenfold! When I treat people the way I like to be treated, even if I’m not in the greatest mood myself that day, it comes back to me, and positivity is spread throughout the whole day. The seeds I plant are what I will reap.

 

5. Sleep and exercise

This comes back to self-care. If I’m tired and cranky I’m not taking care of myself and it will eventually manifest into a whirlwind of negativity. I try to set myself up for success every day, and taking care of my body is a big part of this daily routine.

 

6. Constructive Criticism is Good

I don’t take it personally when someone criticizes me. Unless they have some malicious intent (in which case that’s on them, not my problem), I take it in a healthy way with an open mind.

I ask myself:

Criticism can be a very good thing with the right mindset. It can open up new possibilities I may not have noticed before. It’s good to have an open line of communication and back-and-forth with someone else. It helps keep my ego in check.

 

7. Set the Tone for the Day in the Morning

I have a morning routine which includes meditation and gratitude. I actually begin my day the night before by making sure I get to bed in time to get enough sleep. Long gone are the days I burn the candle at both ends, and I will never go back to that. I like my life too much now to go back to that dark place.

Next I do a quick set of push-ups, squats, or if I have time, a quick walk or jog around the block. Just something to get my blood pumping. And coffee.

The gratitude list is what helps me the most. That is my number one way to start off my day. If I only have time for one thing, it’s the gratitude list.

 

8. Be Mindful Throughout the Day

I try not to focus on the past or future, but on the task at hand. When I catch my mind wandering into worry or regret, I quickly re-center and move on. It takes practice, but it make a big difference. Resentments, anger, and fear fuel negativity. I must be mindful when my thoughts drift in that direction.

 

9. Avoid Negative People

Not all negative people are avoidable, but I don’t have to engage with them. I won’t let them be in my head for too long, and I refuse to entertain them for long either. I move on as quickly as possible. I refuse to let them live rent free in my head.

 

10. Only Compare Myself to Who I Used to Be, Not to Other People

  • Have I improved my life over the last several years? Yes I have.
  • Is my life as good as my neighbors? Who cares?

A sure-fire way for me to fall into the vortex of negativity is to start comparing myself to other people. The only person I need to compare myself to is me. Worrying about trying to be as good as or better than others leads down the road to selfishness, anger, and self-hatred. The opposites of positivity.

 

Kindness matters. When I spread happiness and joy to others and it is returned to me. This is my experience.

Acceptance matters. When I choose acceptance over expectation I tend to stay more in the positive. This is my experience.

Gratitude matters. When I focus on what I have as opposed to what I don’t, my life gets better. This is my experience.

 

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.

~Henri Nouwen

 

 

~Thanks for reading,

LC

 

 

What can I learn from failure?

The line between success and failure is not always black and white. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of perspective. A process that fails for one aspect of life might be the perfect process when applied to something else.

A realistic approach rather than an idealist approach can sometimes help to see the difference between success and failure a little more clearly. Just because something didn’t work out perfectly doesn’t mean it didn’t work out at all.

Sometimes we have to look a little harder for the silver lining…

What can I learn from failure?

Think about Thomas Edison. He didn’t view all the times his lightbulbs didn’t work as failures, he figured he just found a lot of ways that don’t work. He learned from his mistakes and eventually found success.

He had a positive mindset.

I, too, can study the mistakes I made that caused a failure and learn from them so I don’t make them again. Learning is always a positive experience in the long run, even if it stings a little, or a lot, at first.

Failure shows me what doesn’t work so I can move on. As long as I look at failure practically instead of personally, failure can actually be an asset, a wonderful tool for learning.

How can I turn failure into a positive experience?

Failure doesn’t mean I’m bad, or weak, or stupid, or incompetent, it simply means something I did didn’t work. It means I’m human.

It means I have an opportunity to learn and grow.

It means I had an experience that will make me stronger and wiser.

It means I get to try again, this time with more experience and knowledge.

Failure does not define who I am.

A failure doesn’t remain unchanging unless I let it. As long as I can learn from mistakes and keep moving forward, failure will not define me as a person.

If I give up after a failure, that is what defines me. Only if I dwell on the failure, and never move on, will I be defined by failure. It’s all about how I recover and the action steps I take to correct a wrong that will define me.

Not the failure itself.

Failure is not an end all and be all.

It can be changed.

~Thanks for reading,

LC

10 Tips to Minimize Food Waste and Save Moolah

I’ve been working in professional kitchens for 25+ years

In that time, I’ve learned a lot about food waste and how to avoid it. The restaurant industry is a nickel and dime business. The cost of waste adds up quickly. We try to do whatever we can to save costs, but not only that, to save food. There are millions, if not billions of people in the world who don’t have enough to eat and it’s reckless, irresponsible, and just downright mean, to throw away food.

I’ve put together a quick post here on some simple ways to re-purpose scraps and food that might not be super fresh, but still good. Also some items you might not have thought were usable at all!

1. Save bones for chicken, beef, or fish stock

2. Bake carrot peels into chips, or make carrot pesto

3. Freeze veg scraps for veggie broth or stock

4. Cook spinach (link to spinach w/ lemon and garlic recipe, posts on 11/30)

5. Composting/Fertilizer

6. Natural Dyes for Easter eggs

7. Turn leftovers into a new meal (tacos, stir fry, casseroles, chicken salad, soup)

8. Save old bread for croutons or breadcrumbs – old flat breads such as pita or tortillas can be baked, fried, or air fried, into chips

9. Turn leftover rice into fried rice

10. Turn overripe brown avocado into flourless and fudgy avocado brownies

Remember, when you cook from scratch you know exactly what is going into your body. Have a happy and healthful life!

 

~Thanks for reading
LC

Rejection as a Learning Experience

Rejection might seem like the end of the world but the sting will always pass with time. When I look at rejection from a stance of growth rather than fear, I’m better equipped to learn ways to improve myself. Rejection and failure are not so distant cousins and both provide an opportunity for learning and growth.

Fear of rejection has held me back from countless opportunities because I didn’t want to face the fact that maybe I’m not as awesome as I think I am. However, if I don’t experience rejection occasionally I won’t be able to see flaws in myself or make improvements. Lack of rejection gives me a false sense of perfection that will be damaging in the long run. How I handle rejection is imperative to my spiritual growth. It has helped make me a “grownup.”

The new opportunities rejection can bring are endless. It forces me to consider different ways of doing things, ways that could possibly be even better than before. Giving up on something just because I got rejected is not an option for me anymore. Today I choose not to sit and wallow in my unworthiness. I want to explore new possibilities. Rejection gets me back out there meeting new people, going to different places, and trying out new things. Rejection can be a blessing in disguise. It’s all about what mindset I choose to invoke when dealing with it.

If I utilize the mindset of using rejection as a learning experience rather than an attack on my ego I can gain valuable insights on who I am and how I present to the world. I can learn ways to improve how I act and what I say. I can learn new ways of doing things. Some of these may even be better than how I currently practice. Rejection doesn’t need to be feared. It’s a fact of life. Everyone experiences it. If I fear rejection I fear life, and hiding from my fears isn’t living, so it’s best for me to accept rejection and learn from it rather than fear it, because it’s happened before and it will happen again. When it happens again, I will tweak my performance and carry on. I have to remember that just because I got rejected doesn’t mean I’m “less than.” It just means I wasn’t a good fit for a particular person, place, or thing.

Acknowledge it, learn from it, let it go.

Learning how to accept rejection has been a crucial part of my personal growth. First, I had to realize rejection isn’t actually an assault on my ego. Often times rejection actually has nothing to do with me. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. I can accept rejection better by getting in the right mindset first. I have to let go of any and all expectations I have of whatever the outcome will be. If I obsess over it, the more disappointed I’ll be when I get rejected. I don’t seek a reason for the rejection. All I have to do is respect the other person’s wishes. If I get a reason, great! I can learn from it. There’s no reason to create more misery for myself or the other person by asking why. The sooner I can let it go, the sooner I can move on with my life. No need to get sucked into the vortex of resentments and fear.

I accept rejection for my own peace of mind. If I give power to rejections I am certain to be cast into a vicious downward spiral with no end in sight. If I want to be an adult I have to accept the fact that things won’t always go my way. That’s just a fact of life, and I can’t take it personally.

When facing rejection there are things I can do to ease the discomfort. I can meditate on it, ask my higher power for guidance, let it go, and move on. I can prioritize things more important than fixating on the “why” of a rejection so I can learn from it and grow into a stronger, more resilient adult.

I can now recognize that when one door closes, another opens. I shift my focus to the next right thing. Experience has taught me the more I obsess over something the more miserable I get. I take action to get out of my own head rather than dwell on “what if”.

~Thanks for reading
LC

The Power of “The Pause”

Somewhere in my recovery I learned about a powerful tool that I like to call The Pause. I figured out, with some help, that I didn’t always need to reply with a quick snarky answer, or any answer at all in some cases. The Pause has kept me out of a lot of trouble since I started using it…

The trouble with it is actually remembering to use it. In the heat of the moment it’s easy for me to just blurt something out that may or may not be helpful or kind. I keep practicing though, pausing before I speak or act out, and it is now becoming almost second nature.

I try to ask myself and answer the 3 questions guaranteed to keep me in line:

1. Does it need to be said?

2. Does it need to be said now?

3. Does it need to be said by me?

When I’m irritated at a person or situation, the answer to all three of these questions is usually “no.” I can save myself a lot of grief later by utilizing The Pause and keeping my mouth shut now. The same principle can be applied to actions, not just words.

Another helpful set of questions I can ask myself before speaking that has been shared with me is T.H.I.N.K.

1. Is it True?

2. Is it Helpful?

3. Is it Inspiring?

4. Is it Necessary?

5. Is it Kind?

Practicing The Pause has helped make me a better person, and happier as well. It has enabled me to open my mind to other ideas because I’m not using my brain to quickly come up with a quick retort or snappy comeback.

The Pause has been an essential tool in my spiritual toolkit. It has saved me from having to make thousands of apologies and amends for my words and actions, and I’m sure it can do the same for you.

Just practice.

~Thanks for reading
LC

Anger is a Luxury I Can’t Afford

Time is money.

When I think of all the time I’ve wasted over the years being angry at people and situations, I get even angrier. I’ve literally wasted several hours in a day many times just sitting and fuming over things I’m mad about.

Is it productive? No.

Is it helpful? No.

Does it make me feel better? No.

Does it make my life better? No.

Is it justified? Yes!! No.

I can’t control how other people act but I can control how much space they take up in my head and my own actions. Anger, to me, is related to fear. Many times when I’m angry, it’s usually because something didn’t go my way, which plays into my fears.

Fear of rejection or failure. Fear of things not working out. Ego, jealousy,  worry, the list could go on…

Anger takes a lot of time. Wouldn’t my time be better spent thinking about things I’m grateful for and people I love?

Acceptance and the ability to move on, and not let people live rent free in my head for too long, are paramount to my recovery and personal growth. I can guarantee you the people I’m angry with usually have no idea just how much power they have over me and how I spend my time obsessing over them. And I can guarantee they are not wasting their valuable time thinking about me.

So why do I do it? Why do I waste my time obsessing over people and things I have no control over? When there is an assault on my sense of self (ego), it affects my self esteem, which can send me into a downward spiral of self pity and self degradation. In this spiral, I get to control what is said about me, and I get to control the outcome in my own head, even if it isn’t even true or even possible.

I can also turn it around.. I can choose to accept the reality of my anger, adapt to it, and acknowledge it from a more practical point of view. A viewpoint that is not self-centered.

I can remember the serenity prayer:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

These days, as the result of LOTS of practice, I’m much more aware of when I begin that downward spiral and I know how to take action to reverse it as soon as possible.

I don’t have time for anger. I choose to be grateful for what I do have.

I choose health and happiness.

 

~Thanks for reading
LC

Set Yourself Up for Success

The best way I’ve found to set up my day for success is found in my morning routine. After I make my coffee (first things first haha..), I think about the day ahead, what needs to be done when, and set my priorities.

I make a list of things and/or people I’m grateful for. This helps to keep me balanced and humble rather that resentful towards things I don’t have and people I don’t particularly care for.

I remind myself that things don’t always go as planned and tell myself to be ready to adapt to any changes that might arise.

I make sure I eat something. Healthy is best, but in a time crunch that’s not always an option. As long as I have something in my stomach to keep me from getting “hangry”, I can make it until I have time to prepare something better.

I get still and quiet, and practice deep breathing and meditation for 8 minutes, where I try to clear my mind and bring myself back to center. This was very difficult when I first started out. My mind would still be racing after the full 8 minutes, but after a lot of practice it got easier to calm my mind. If I don’t have time for the full 8 minutes I do less, but I do a minimum of 10 full deep breaths where I focus solely on my breath, the flow of air in and out. I find when I do this I have a much easier time with the things that go wrong during the day.

I also remind myself to pause if I become irritated. I remind myself that I can restart my day at any time. I try to work with things rather than against them. When I try to force my will upon situations rather than adapt to them it always leads to a bad day.

I remind myself to be kind to everyone even if I think they don’t deserve it. I remind myself to think of others and to be helpful rather than selfish and self-centered.

What can I do for others? What can I pack into the stream of life?

I look at where I went wrong the day before and try to take corrective measures to amend that behavior. This takes a lot of practice..

I remind myself that it’s ok to not be perfect. Not just for myself, but other people too. This also takes a lot of practice..

I don’t dwell on worry or remorse. When I do I’m not useful to others. I try to focus on the next indicated thing.

I remind myself to not dwell on fear but to direct my attention to love, tolerance, and acceptance.

When I do all these things I set myself up for success and even if my day doesn’t go as planned, it’s still a good day.

And lastly, I remind myself that a great attitude becomes a great mood. Which becomes a great day. Which becomes a great year. Which becomes a great life.

~Thanks for reading,

LC

Bad Luck is a by-product of Bad Habits

Bad habits are hard to break and good habits are hard to form. At least this has been my experience…

Sometimes I get so busy and so overwhelmed I forget to do certain things that help get me set up for success in any given day.

My number one problem is starting out the day with a bad attitude, but if I do certain things when I wake up to set my attitude right for the day, my day goes so much better, even when things don’t go my way, or as planned.

*A great attitude becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life.

Not sure where that quote came from but I read it daily as part of my morning routine to help set my mind right for the upcoming unknown.

Back when I was drinking heavily and hating everything and everyone around me, I had a lot of bad luck.

Because I didn’t write things down in my calendar, I would miss appointments for things that would help me.

Because I constantly fought the flow of life instead of going with it, I would become increasingly, and visually, frustrated and people didn’t want to be around me.

Because I wasn’t interested in anyone but myself I didn’t have anyone to go to when things got really bad. The only place I had to go was into my own head (which I discovered later is a very dangerous place for me to be).

Things would never go my way and life got really hard.  I lost jobs. I lost friends. I lost my will to live. I was never helpful to anyone else because I was obsessed with myself. I would run out of gas and have to walk because I wouldn’t get gas when I could. It was hard to get a job because I had a bad reputation. I would eat unhealthy food that made me feel like crap.

And none of this was ever MY fault…

I knew I had to make a change or I would be miserable until I died and I didn’t want that.

I started researching ways to improve my life and how to change bad habits. Just about everything I read said to quit drinking so I did. I also read a lot about having an attitude of gratitude and began writing 6-10 things every day that I’m grateful for. This practice has helped me immeasurably. I can be grateful for my job now even when I have a bad day there. And bad days get fewer and farther between.

Here’s what I do daily to get my head screwed on right:

  1. Practice gratitude:  I make a quick list of things I’m grateful for. I try to always include a few things that I sometimes take for granted that I don’t always think about every day. For example a reliable vehicle and power, water, and gas. I also include people, like my husband who puts up with my crap, real friends, and great co-workers who push me to be better.
  2. Plan my Day:   I sit down with my calendar and go over places I need to be at what time, and tasks that need to be done. Then I figure out what order to do everything in. This includes making time to do something that puts me closer to my long-term goals, to improve myself just a little bit every day.
  3. I ask my higher power for help:  I ask for help to keep my thoughts away from self-pity and self seeking motives. I ask for insight about any problems that may arise. I ask to remember to pause if I get upset instead of reacting immediately. I ask for guidance on how I can be helpful to to others and how I can pack as much as possible into the stream of life. I ask to be helped to be kind and loving to everyone I come in contact with.
  4. End of Day:  I review my day to see what went well and what didn’t. I take a moment to enjoy the good parts, and I think about solutions to the bad parts. If I owe an apology I do it as soon as possible. I ask for my fear to be removed and for help being better the next day.

 

The mind is a powerful thing. It can make or break a person. People consumed with negativity always have a bad day, no matter how well it’s going.

I don’t hang out with negative people anymore. They brought me down. I keep them at arm’s length now. My serenity depends on it. I’ve seen a positive person have a worse day than a negative person and end their day in a much better place. Those are the people I want to be around these days.

I don’t play the victim. I look for a solution.

I don’t look for sympathy. I help someone else out instead.

I try to be the listener, not the talker.

I try to be the giver, not the taker.

I know the rewards will come soon enough. If I can achieve peace within myself, I will never have a bad day.

I try not to put things off. Why put off til tomorrow what I can do today? I try to stay ahead of the game. I enjoy my down time so much more when I’m not worried about what I have to do later.

I’m not the person who complains and tries to make everyone as miserable as I am. I’m the one who lifts morale.

I don’t believe in luck anymore. I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t  have to know what the reason is either. I just know that when I do these certain things, my days go better and my life improves a little bit more every day.

I do this, and good things happen to me.

 

“You can’t fully commit to your personal growth if you’re still committed to your bullshit.”  ~ Neghar Fonooni

~Thanks for reading – LC